Noons + Ads = Nads
Top Selling Amazon Products and their Real Descriptions…
Enjoy Learning more about what makes these Bestsellers so Useful, Valued, and Special!
Description: The ZonLi Kids Weighted Blanket only works on children. If an adult attempts to use it the blanket immediately incinerates itself and leaves behind a distinct scent that can only be described as nostalgia.
Description: Cushionaire Women’s Feather Recovery Slide Sandals with +Comfort are perfect if you are recovering from a hangover or breakup. Otherwise they immediately cause plantar fasciitis.
Description: MelodySusie UV Gloves for Gel Nail Lamp protect your hands from harmful UV light and make your feet super jealous.
Description: Hamilton Beach Portable Blender is perfect for when you need to blend on-the-go: at work, while driving, and is the only blender endorsed by the United States Parachute Association (USPA) for use while hurtling towards Earth and desperately in need of a smoothie.
Description: This Sushi Making Kit is the only sushi making kit that comes with its own tactical trauma kit with QuikClot combat gauze, WoundSeal coagulation powder, and extra tourniquets.
Description: These Apple AirPods Max Headphones are on sale for $479.99. If you’re spending five hundred dollars for headphones then we’re in different tax brackets and you probably don’t even care that it’s on sale. So can I have the 70 bucks?
Description: The Womens Y2K Cardigan is the sweater for the Gen-Z Gal who desperately wishes she got to experience the supreme letdown that was the switchover to the new millennium.
Description: AeroGarden Harvest XL grows Herbs. Not Weed. Herbs.
Description: Esarora Ice Roller – it’s a face Zamboni but without Pierre to drive it.
Description: The Waitu Wearable Blanket Sweatshirt is known on the street as the Action Snuggie! And if you’ve never heard your dog laugh, wearing this item for a morning walk will bring those doggie guffaws to full volume.
Description: Crownful Mini Fridge is also a Mini Warmer for when you want to quickly turn your milk into cheese.
Description: Smirly Charcuterie Board Gift Set: for when you want to impress that newly wedded couple with something they’ll never ever ever use. They wanted cash.
Description: iRobot Roomba 694 has been upgraded from its predecessor with BarkFree technology that electric shocks your dog into blissful quiet submission.
Description: Mighty Patch Variety Pack will hide your teenager’s unsightly blemishes but does nothing about their bad attitude.
Description: Colorfulkoala Women’s High Waisted Yoga Pants are made from 100% real koala for extra stretch during downward dog.
Description: Suuksess Women Scrunch Butt Lifting Seam–I’m sorry, I got distracted by this woman’s waist being apparently 17 inches while her butt is 47. Nice Photoshop, Suuksess.
Description: Gua Sha Massage Tool. No one knows how to use this. But it looks cool.
Description: Grace Eleyae Women’s Satin Lined Sleep Cap. If worn properly it produces the best dreams of your life! If accidentally put on inside out: the night terrors will wake your neighbors.
Description: Sunny Health & Fitness Smart Magnetic Rowing Machine comes with this guy, Darryl, to show you how it works, motivate you, and explain how best to hang your clothes over this thing after the first week.
Description: Take stalking to the next level with this 4 Pack of Apple AirTags. Restraining order sold separately.
Description: Amazing Patterns: Adult Coloring Book – for when you’ve quit drinking and don’t know what to do with your newfound free time.
Description: The Coleman camping experts bring us the SaluSpa Inflatable Hot Tub Spa for when you want to get lost in the wilderness but still feel like white trash.
Description: Seasum Women’s High Waist Yoga Pants are Rob Gronkowski’s everyday Yoga Pant.
Description: I don’t think you’re doing that right, dude.
Menoons 